Happy Blog Birthday to ME! I turned 26 on Friday of last week, and wow I feel great. I have been given 26 whole years of life and I think that is definitely something to celebrate. Every year, life seems to get more and more precious to me, and I seem to want to celebrate more and more. I can't help but look in awe at how far I have come in my 26 years. I am so proud of the person I am today. As someone who has honestly had some of the lowest lows that a person can have, I can say with dignity that I have fought/scratched/dug/clawed my way to the most amazing life, one that I am so proud of. A life that I do not take for granted and one that I am so grateful to God for.
I was just looking through my Senior scrapbook from high school at the part where I had written down my goals for the future. Some of those goals are the same and some of them have changed big time. I wrote out 17 points that I wanted to accomplish. Out of those 17, I have only accomplished one (Getting married to the most amazing man). All the rest, I have not. Some I have no desire to accomplish anymore, but one thing is for certain. I do not feel like a failure. I know that I still have plenty of time (if the Lord gives it to me) to tackle that list. After much reflection, I realized that I have obtained something much greater, that was not on my list. I have achieved happiness and joy, and that is worth all of those goals combined.
at 26, I am happy.
I owe it all to God. When I look back, I find it so interesting to see all of the ways that he was nudging me toward his path. Things that I didn't even understand at the time were setting me up to fall right into his hands. He was preparing me for the greatest life imaginable. As I am thinking back on my life, I get really emotional. I am pretty much the poster child for having a life of trials. Life has not been fair to me, to say the least. I don't say that to get pity, only to emphasize my thankfulness for now. I have had so many people ask me how I can go through all that I have and still stay so positive. So I thought long and hard about what it is that has brought me to a point in life where I can honestly say that I have achieved my ultimate dream: happiness.
It is funny to me now, that I thought accomplishing those goals was what would make me happy. The only thing that could make me happy was love. One thing that I couldn't quite grasp as a young girl, but what I desperately sought after in every decision I made, was love. My search for love dictated every thing. I pined for it. looked in every nook and cranny for it. I looked in all the wrong places for it. I thought I had found it when I actually was further away from it than when I began. I never knew that I would find all of the answers in God. In my wildest dreams, I never thought HE could give me something so tangible. Love is tangible after all. When you can feel it with your every being and every fiber, it is most definitely tangible. When I found the love of Jesus, I found happiness.
You know that part in the Great Gatsby when Jay says "My life, old sport, my life... my life has got to be like this. ...It's got to keep going up." That is how I try to live my life, constantly looking for ways to improve myself and do better. I constantly work on who I am and working towards the person I want to become. I never settle for anything less than happy. If something is not going right, I have no issues with working until it is. If something in life isn't making me happy, I am of the mind set to change it until it does. I leave the things I can not change into God's capable hands. I have quite trying to dictate and manipulate every thing around me. I have had to give up being a control freak. One thing that being a Christian has taught me, is that I don't control anything anyways. As soon as I let that notion go, I realized how freeing it was. Happiness is so much easier when you just accept things for the way they are. And that is what works for me.
Thank you so much for stopping by and supporting me on this blog journey. It truly brings me so much happiness. I love all of the comments and messages. It truly brings joy to my heart. I hope you equally enjoy following along.
If you are wondering about my outfit, it is from Asos.com but you can't actually get this exact dress. I saw a dress from Asos that was similar to this one and fell in love with it. The only problem was that the original dress was sold out and I could not find anything like it anywhere else. The website did however have short bodycon version of the one I loved. So I order that dress four sizes too big, and altered it to fit my body. So I can finally say, this dress was made for me. Haha. The shoes are also from Asos.
