Dear Mean Guy,
I have some words for you. I can not even believe I am having to use this blog as a platform to speak on negativity. Normally, I have no reason to post about it. This is suppose to be a place to talk about fun and happy things. This is not a place usually for bashing. Before I start, I want to catch up anyone other than you (mean guy) that might be reading this.
A few weeks ago, I was minding my own business in my own house, rearranging some decorations on my shelves. These shelves are right in front of my huge front window that faces the street that I live on. All of a sudden, I heard "HEY, SARAH!". I turned around to see a large truck sitting in front of my house still running. It was dark outside so I could not see what color the truck really was, who was yelling at me, or even if there were other people in the truck. Really all that I can say is that it was a fairly loud truck and it was a guy yelling. I squinted hard to try to figure out who it was but I just could not tell, but boy do I wish that I could have. Because, at that moment they yelled again...
"YOU're fat!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Then he drove away really slowly. What a cowardly thing to do. I was super freaked out and I ran to Jereme and told him what had happened, but there was nothing we could do. He was already gone. What is even scarier is that I only know of one guy outside of my family who knows where I live and I feel confidently that it was not him. I have absolutely no clue who it could be.
So, mean guy, I want to know why you did that. What was your motive? Obviously you knew who I was. What was your goal? I want to know. First off, you yelled at me, and second you yelled something that is a huge deal to MOST women. Truthfully, no girl EVER wants to hear those words from anyone, least of all a stranger whom she can't confront. I have thought about it almost everyday since it happened and I want you to know that I am not upset about it. "Your're fat!" Really...? That's the best you got? If you want to insult me, you're going to have to do better than that. What are you, eight?
The only thing I truly feel, is sorry for you. I have come to the conclusion that you HAVE to be someone very sad yourself. You see, only that type of person would do something so horrible. There is something that Kandee Johnson always says in her videos that speaks so true to me. "Hurt people, hurt people." It is so true to me. When someone is miserable, they will try so hard to bring other people down with them. You have to have experienced something heartbreaking yourself and now you are projecting your heart onto others. On me. Growing from the experiences that hurt you is admirable. Hurting others because you hurt is sucky and pathetic.
“I think happiness is what makes you pretty. Period. Happy people are beautiful. They become like a mirror and they reflect that happiness.”
Have I gained weight?, sure. Am I okay with that, honestly, no not one hundred percent. No one ever is, but I pity you the most. Let me tell you what this "fat" girl does have: happiness. There once was a time when I looked much better than I do now (obviously when you knew me). Most of the time I look back and think, dang, I really took my body for granted then. But then I am reminded of the terribly stressful chapters of life created that body, and I can reassure you that I don't miss it. You know, losing weight is much easier than changing your heart and your mind. Those issues are deeper than fat.
“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”
Even when I was much skinnier than I am now, I still wasn't happy with my body. During that time, I grabbed at rolls and criticized myself way more than I do now. I always hated my appearance when I was in high school too, but I will say that up until your incident, I actually had never felt prettier. Then I took a long hard look in the mirror, and I still don't care that you said that. Maybe it hurt for a good minute, but I bounced back pretty quick.
I have a husband that truth be told, deep down probablly doesn't like my extra rolls either; but he does not let a day go by without making me feel pretty, special, and loved. Even if he is repulsed by them I would never know it. I thank God that I am with him and not you... whoever you are. Such a childish and cruel heart you must have.
Maybe you did that because I hurt you. Maybe I really broke your heart or maybe I wasn't fair to you. I can't recall dong anything like that intentionally though. But, if that is the case, then I am truly sorry. I pray that you can forgive me for it. It must be really awful living with such resentment towards someone that you would find out where they live and drive up to their house and yell such a mean thing to them.
Dear everyone else,
To anyone who may be reading this, I pray that you do not lose sleep over a person like this. I pray that you strive for someone that looks beyond skin deep into the heart and mind where it really matters. If you are this type of person, I pray that your eyes are opened to real beauty where it matters. Beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is one to be praised. Girls please take that to heart. Your beauty isn't in the number on a scale.
Seriously, life is way too short to give your heart to a guy that will crush it without a second thought. Guys like that are literally everywhere. Girls, avoid them like the plague. Trust me, their looks won't last either. Find a person that compliments what you feel are flaws. Find someone that you just can't wait to be with. Find someone that has your best interest at heart and tries to prove that daily. Go for the one that no one else notices, most of the time they are the most interesting. Don't go for a guy whose idea of flirting is calling you a mean name or makes you chase him. And for the love... stop letting men call you the b-word. THAT is NOT cute or funny. Start looking for the kind of person you want in a place that they would most likely be. (Ex: You wouldn't go looking for someone who truly loves the Lord at club.)
I can tell you that I have wasted so much time and more importantly so much of my heart on people that didn't do any of those things. I wasted so much time on guys just like the one that yelled that mean thing at me. I would love to be able to tell my younger self that the guy who flirted with me throughout our entire highschool life behind his girlfriend's back would never actually commit. And that it would probably be a habit that he wouldn't break in marriage either if he ever did. I would love to go back and tell myself that that one guy in high school that was so beautiful but so so into himself that it just is not worth getting his attention because his attention was on five girls at any time. I would tell myself that the guy who abused you but "would do anything to prove he loved you and never do it again" that it just isn't worth the sleepless tear filled nights because he would do it again... and again.. and again. I would love to tell myself that that guy in college who said "you can trust me, don't worry babe" would make you worry every single night only to have your worst fears confirmed... and multiple times at that. And boy was I a cheater magnet. Boy, if I only knew then what I do now. I don't mean to sound bitter, because honestly I am not. I just know the types.
I took every one of those instances and grew from them just like I am doing from the mean guy. That is what you have to do. I will admit, when I finally did find Jereme, I had sworn off men altogether, (and just to be clear, women too). Most of the bad guys are avoidable. I suppose I should actually say people, because these problems work both ways. Guys aren't the only ones who can be cruel. There is no gender to mean. There are some things that you can just not help, like the guy who just showed up to my house. Mostly you can though. Be very picky and very cautious with your heart. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. -Proverbs 4:23 Put your love interests to the test. Most importantly, don't go for anyone like this, someone who puts worth in your weight. There are too many fish in the sea.
Love Always,
Sarah
“3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
“She was beautiful, but not like those girls in the magazines. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful, for the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile, even if she was sad. No, she wasn’t beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul. She is beautiful.”