I am guessing that the title of this post sucked you in. No, I am not kidding. We are really going there today. You would not believe the amount of questions I get about the status of our procreation. In fact, it was the number one question I received in 2017. I will never understand what prompts people to be so obsessed over whether or not other people have children. But, it is the reality I face. You know in the show The Office, where the warehouse keeps a tally of days without incidents. Well, I keep up with the days without pregnancy questions. Ha. I thought, rather than keep you all wondering (and asking me) I would eliminate all of the questions I get by just answering them publicly.
Q1: Do we want Children?
A: In short, yes. We DO want children, a few to be exact. Jereme and I both love children. Personally speaking, I know that Jereme will be an amazing dad. When that time comes, it will be such an amazing time. I just know it. I even look forward to that chapter of our lives, I am just not rushing towards it. We are enjoying our time together.
Q2: When are we going to have babies?
A: When we got married, we decided that if God would allow it, we wanted to wait to have children for awhile. (When I say what I am about to say, just know that I do understand that children usually never come into the picture at a convenient time.) It is sort of hard to understand if you do not know our stories. We wanted to spend time together as just us two for as long as we could. We made a small list of things we wanted to accomplish before babies came into the picture and have been working hard to complete that list. We wanted time to not only prepare for a life with children, but also to give us both plenty of time to really get to know each other. Having children is one of the biggest decisions of our lives, and we certainly don't want to take that lightly. It will be an incredibly trying time as it is for everyone but we also want it to be a joyous one. We feel that it is important to know what really makes each other tick before we enter into such a huge commitment together. It is kind of a big deal. We want to be our best for them when the time comes. Again, saying that I do get that no one is ever truly prepared. We both just want to be as mentally prepared as one can possibly be.
I also have moments of doubt, thinking I am making a huge mistake. I don't know if I am the only one who deals with this or not; but sometimes I feel an incredible pressure to "keep up" with everyone else. It seems like every time I turn around I see another pregnancy announcement filling my feed. I don't mean to sound bitter. I LOVE seeing those posts. New life is such a blessing and so exciting and for sure something to celebrate. I will be the first to pop a congrats on each post. Sometimes though, I allow satan to attack me, by making me think that I am less than because I don't already have babies. I mean a lot of people that I graduated already have three to four children. Then the Lord reminds me to stay in my own lane (as Jereme's Grandma would say).
Another reason for our decision to wait is a little more complicated to explain. I don't know how to say it other than that our hearts just weren't ready, and I have to believe that it is all part of God's plan for us. Right now is a time to love each other without the added pressure and stress of taking care of another life. We don't want to throw ourselves into such a huge life altering decision without first truly knowing each other and second a little bit of prep work. Our hearts were the first things that needed work. As I mentioned before, we both have complicated pasts. We believe that it all happened for a specific purpose to mold who we will be as parents and we believe that we are right were God wants us to be.
I mention the Lord, because I think it is VERY important to our story. I know this is sort of a taboo topic and I will spare you the details, but WE do not believe in birth control pills or IUDs. We believe that the Lord has answered our prayers to wait. Which brings me to my next topic.
Q3: How Can I Pray to not have Children? Isn't that insensitive?
I know that most people pray for the exact opposite. Most people pray relentlessly to HAVE children. How could I do such a thing as pray to not have children, even if it is just for a short time. We both come from a history of different childhood traumas and we both needed the time to heal. I don't want to go into a book length detail just now. It is just something that we both needed for awhile. We both take the gift of a child very seriously. We want to do our best and be our best for them, but healing needed to come first. With all of this being said, I certainly don't mean to be insensitive to those who struggle with infertility, by making it seem like I have one-hundred percent control over our future. I don't. But after all, I am praying to not have something (for a short time) that others desperately want right now. I know so many who do struggle with infertility. I understand that struggle. Something you may not know about me is that I struggle with the FEAR OF having infertility. If that is even a thing. How contradicting, I know. I don't wan't a baby yet, but I am scared to of not having one too. I struggle with the fear that by the time I am "ready" to have children, it will be too late to have them.
I am not sure if you know, but we actually had a miscarriage in 2015. We had a brief moment of thinking that it would be okay to have a baby. We got pregnant and I lost it soon after. It was confirmation to us that it just wasn't God's timing yet. The heartbreak of it prompted us to wait like we had originally planned. To be completely honest, the miscarriage was hard on both of us in different ways. Mostly it raised so many fears within myself that I may not ever be able to have them when I do want them. It made me feel so sad that my body couldn't do the one thing that sets me apart as a woman; the one thing that I am suppose to be able to do. Waiting just seemed like the best thing to do. Not knowing is easier than that fear being a reality. Not to be a Debby Downer, but I hope this different perspective will soften your heart and make you think twice before you prod someone else about having babies. You just never know what their heart may be going through. I have actually been scolded by a few people who don't know the full scope. I don't think they would say anything if they knew that whole picture.
Q4: So when is when?
I saved the best for last and I am sure the main reason you are even reading this post. When is when? Well, we are at a time in life where we still want to wait a bit longer, but we won't be upset if it happens. So I guess that is one step closer to having them. Ha. If that makes sense. Trust me, there have been opportunities for it to happen, but it just hasn't. (TMI? Hey, you wanted to know.) It is all according to God's plan for us and we trust in that plan. To answer as best as I can, we will have them when we have them. Until then we enjoy being the parents of two adorable fur babies, and that is good enough for now, but who knows what the future will hold? ;)
It is hard for people who have had an easy time building their families to understand our hesitation in starting ours. They think that because they did it, that everyone should. Not all of the questioning is meant to upset me, I know that. Especially the mommas who truly love their children. They want my life to have the same happiness that children brought theirs. I like to remind myself of that when I get all up in my feelings about it. They just want me to be happy. I hope you can see that too if you struggle with this too. I hope that answers your questions, but if not, leave them below or message me. I hope you have an amazing week. Until next time.
Love always, Sarah.
“11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.”